Back in March we went away for a weekend with friends to the lake..Friday night, lots of drinks..Saturday not feeling so good but thought maybe because of the night before. I ended up going to bed very early by lake standards and still did not feel so good on Sunday. When we got home I went grocery shopping...I thought about buying a test but i've bought soooo many useless tests in recent years that i was trying to talk myself out of it...didn't work, bought the test. Came home and Voila there was that second pretty pink line..well, barely :)
When I told Jamie (and Bella) he was was like "how??" lol, but was very happy...then we came back to reality and realized we've been here before (like this past January) and knew not to get to excited. We decided to actually wait a week before calling the Dr this time, and just see how things went. Well the tests kept getting darker so finally I called for an appt.
To back up a little this is my 6th (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, SIX) pregnancy that I know of, the most recent being this past January. When I found out I was pregnant then..I wasn't happy. I wasn't ready. I had plans. I was scared. I was pissed..I wasn't ready to go through dissapointment again. And that is exactly what I thought about through 3 ultra sounds where they said "it's still a little early to see anything" and "we can't find it" until I miscarried at 6 weeks. And then I was sad...I had wanted it.
So this time around, I was thrilled. I felt like it was a 2nd chance (or 3rd or 4th). I went to my OB, she's awesome and she knew I was a little hesitant. We took it slow. Just blood monitoring, no ultra sounds yet. As my hormone levels kept rising appropriately we started getting more optomistic so finally did an ultra sound. It was a little over 6 weeks...we saw a baby but no heartbeat. Here we go again, i was losing hope. They told us to come back in a week. I had zero optomism left by the following week, i knew there would still not be a heartbeat..i just knew it. We were on our way to our friends wedding in Cape Cod and I just kept thinking I was going to be in limbo again all weekend...I was miserable.
When I was laying there and she started to do the scan I couldn't breathe...she quickly went over my belly trying to get a good view and as she did my heart stopped, i saw it, I saw the little teeny flutter on the screen...oh my God. She saw it too and quickly went back and the sound of our babies heart beat came on Jamie and I both lost it. We had done it, we had FINALLY made a baby on our own that looked like it had a chance. Holy Sh*t.
When we were done with the ultra sound, the tech said she was going to find my Dr. By the time we got out into the hallway my Dr was running down saying "YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!" and gave me a huge hug. The tears came again... :)
The baby is now almost 13 weeks old and still kicking..literally as we saw on yesterdays ultra sound. We've been to the Dr every other week, and seeing a high risk Dr as well. I am no longer nervous, still very shocked (!) but more than anything happy. I no longer freak out on my way to each Dr's appt, which is a nice change from my previous pregnancy. All I keep telling myself is that the worst thing possible happened to us last year and Bella was the good we recieved out of that hell...we were lucky. As hard as it's been I've had faith, not always hope but faith that all of this was happening for a reason...years of trying, then losing a baby after all that effort, then Bella born into our arms one month after I was supposed to deliver a baby and now this. It's all amazing. So amazing.
We had recently started talking about whether or not to go back to RMA (fertility clinic) or start the adoption process again. We wanted to have a full year all about Bella, to enjoy all her firsts, so we were thinking sometime around January. To not have to think or plan is such a welcome blessing. We are so excited that Bella is going to be a big sister, they will be 16 months apart...we hope they'll be so close :)
Per my first ultra sound, where they determine the due date based on size I am due December 14th. In my opinion, based on dating due to severe ovulation pains I say December 10th! The ultra sound tech at the high risk dr agreed with me...so we'll see!
6 Weeks 5 Days
8 Weeks 3 Days (Baby Measuring 9 weeks)
10 Weeks 1 Day (Baby meauring 10w 6d)
12 Weeks 1 Day (Baby measuring 12w 4d)
