6/24/08 Desperately Seeking Baby

So the short version of how we got here is many years of trying on our own to have a baby and 2 years working with a fertilty dr. It's been a very long road. After 4 rounds of Invitro we finally got our miracle. We lost our baby boy at almost 5 months, no reason why. Not sure how we survived, people have been telling us all along how strong we are...i guess that's how it looks from the outside, for us it's felt more like survival. My Dr still believes we have a very good chance of getting pregnant again whether on our own or through another IVF, but at this point my body needs a break! I'm glad he has faith in us though. For me the idea of becoming pregnant again is a terrifying thought. The fear would defintely out way any joy. Until I'm able to look at it differently we'll hold off on that. The Dr's believe I have "bad eggs", but we have found a few good ones along the way so you just never know!



We have talked about adoption on and off through the years. Two weeks before I lost the baby I told Jamie we should adopt...he looked at my pregnant belly and thought I was nuts. My thought was it took us so long to get here why not adopt our next one. Little did we know we would be revisiting that conversation so soon.



The day we came home from the Dr's after finding out there was no longer a heart beat we started talking about adoption. To some that probably sounds strange, but for us that's how we dealt with things. Each failed IVF we jumped back in for the next one, we KNOW we want a family and putting things off wasn't going to get us there any faster. Just because we started the adoption process so quickly did not mean we were not devastated, because we were. I know many women have miscarriages, but how many go through 4 IVF's only to those their miracle. Nothing was fair about it, we talked, we cried...and still do, it's not easy. But for us having a "plan" helped keep things in perspective. Everyone handles things their own way.



So we did alot of research and decided to do Domestic Private Adoption. Which means we use a lawyer and do the legwork ourselves. We started advertising on June 1st in newspapers in TX, KS, NY, PA, and WA. We got lots of crazy phone calls and a couple of potential calls.



One morning at 7:30 a woman called me from NC (she found our ad online) and told me her 15 year old daughter was pregnant and due in August. I had been a sleep...i woke right up when i heard August! We have been talking for a couple of weeks and they have chosen us to be the parents. It is a baby girl and she is due August 22. 8 WEEKS! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



So now we "wait, worry and wonder". Even though she has chosen us there is nothing to say she will not change her mind and that is soooo scary. Her and her mother sound very sure, so we try to take comfort in that. They are both very sweet and I have really enjoyed talking to them.



It's crazy to think in 8 "short" weeks, as Jamie puts it, we'll finally have our family. We will finally meet the baby we have been talking about and dreaming about. We will finally be able to close this chapter...we can not wait. Many more weeks of holding our breath, crossing fingers and saying prayers...
We're ready, hopefully our dream is coming true.