Walking into the hospital this morning I saw yet another happy grandparent walking out with balloons and flowers...trailing not far behind them the happy couple carrying their baby in the car seat. I swear I must arrive every day at discharge time...
I know our time is coming but it also reminds me of the way things didn't go. When we finally settled into the idea of being pregnant i was soooo excited to be "normal". We did it on our own, no drugs, no accupuncture, no prodecures, no drs, no nurses...100% natural...I can't even begin to describe how shocking that is to me even now.
Soon after becoming pregnant i thought about the delivery...I was so excited. I pretty much thought I would never have this opportunity again and I was so thrilled to be blessed with this chance. I also even thought for one totally insane moment about not having drugs...really experiencing birth and feeling everything...and then my sanity came back. Even with drugs I knew the experience would be amazing. After the baby was born they would immediately put him in my arms, and we'd all cry just like on TV. Then the grandparents would come and lots of visitors and the room would be filled with balloons and flowers from everyone who was so thrilled for us. And I would finally get the picture I had been imagining for months...me, Jamie, Bella and our new baby all curled up in my hospital bed with HUGE smiles on our faces. Our first family photo.
Best laid plans......
I have thought about this over and over and I get upset each time. I feel robbed. I feel robbed of the remainder of my pregnancy and of all the joyful moments that so many others get to experience. It's the little stuff sometimes that can mean so much.
BUT, as I start to get upset I remember that we now have a daughter and a son and we are SO lucky. That's the big important stuff that far out shadows the little lost moments.
Jamie and I finally have the family we have dreamed of and talked about for years, and soon we will finally have our first family photo.
1 comment:
Best laid plans are right... I wish we could all have our dreams come true as we dreamed them. It's so hard when that isnt the case.
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