Day 52: Rough Day

SO i came in this morning to see Henry around 9:45 when I got here they told me I couldn't come in to the NICU (AGAIN!) because they were doing a procedure. I said I'd come back in a bit because I was going to the NICU parents meeting from 10-11. I went to the meeting it was great. It was good to see kids who have been in Henry's position doing so well now. It was also hard because it made everything seem real. I've been going through all this thinking atleast he doesn't have cancer or something else, at least he is going to be ok. I haven't really been allowing myself to think that this is HELL and it's not fair to be going through this. Which I guess is all good, but i guess it's good to also validate that it sucks and it's ok to be upset..and no it's not fair he got so sick.

So after the meeting I went back to the NICU and as soon as I walked in the Dr came right over. She told me the reason they couldn't let me in was because Henry has stopped breathing and they were trying to revive him. They said he started gagging and puked up all his food and at some point he just stopped breathing and turned blue. They had to "bag" him for 2 minutes before he started breathing again. They don't know if there will be any repercussions from it...but as the day went on he was fine. I held him for a long time and he was absolutely fine. I'm spent. Seriously spent.

When he was first born and it was all crazy and he was so sick it was easier to deal with things because we were in the "crazy mode" every day was something and you just dealt with it. Now he is supposed to be on the up swing, we're not supposed to be worried every day...everything is supposed to be fine now. Or so we thought. He is fine now, sleeping very nicely.

Jamie and I have been here all day now. We just went to dinner and then got ice cream while the nurses did their shift change. If i ring that bell again and they won't let us in I might lose it...